Why Olives?

One word: olives. Yeah, those little green, purple, or black ovals that grow on trees, that half the world scrunches their faces at because they’re “too tangy” or “too salty” or “they make my stomach feel weird.” Let me start by saying that I’m not the type of guy who goes on runs for fun, or even because he feels he must; I’m not the type of guy who takes a dinner of roasted eggplant and carrots and other miscellaneous “rabbit food” over a Chick-fil-a sandwich just because the eggplant is “better” for me. And yet, somehow the six-pack is still there (I’m not talking beer) and I feel as if I could run a marathon (though I’m not going to). The doctor even told me my blood pressure is 115/70. So how is my heart still healthy and my joints not dissolved into jelly? Olives.

Have you ever heard about those super-healthy Mediterranean diets that every fitness guru and health professional is recommending? Low in fat, high in protein, good for the heart? Well, it’s not a Mediterranean diet without olives. The Greeks have been eating them for thousands of years and, as a country, they have one of the highest life expectancies in all of Europe! Someone had to lift all of that heavy marble and it’s quite possible that, without olives being a staple of their diet, they wouldn’t have had the energy and cardiovascular strength to build such beautiful works of art. Olives are a great source of Vitamin E (if you’re like me, and get confused by all the different Vitamin properties, rest assured that Vitamin E is extraordinarily beneficial: it promotes healthy skin and eyes––so no more having to worry about wrinkles or premature aging––and shores up the body’s immune system, vital now more than ever) and their high calcium, iron, and copper content helps prevent osteoporosis, heart disease, and even cancer. Seems a little too good to be true, but it’s not: there is a reason the population along the Mediterranean seaboard has enjoyed increased longevity alongside a bowl of ripe olives. And few things in the world sound better than sitting on the black-sand beaches of Amalfi or among the blindingly-white houses of Mykonos, toes in the warm sea, enjoying a bowl of freshly-prepared, lightly-salted green olives.

Even major retailers are understanding the need for olives to become a staple of the American-imported Mediterranean diet. Companies like Trader Joe’s now sell small 99-cent packets of olives to snack on. If you were ever concerned about the inconvenience of a large jar of olives containing mostly salty brine, Trader Joe’s olive packets ensure you don’t need a refrigerator and you don’t need more brine than olive. So instead of grabbing that bag of Cheetos for a snack, grab some olives. If you find your salad is missing something, it’s probably because you forgot to add the olives. And if it’s still “too salty” or “too tangy,” don’t worry: your body will thank you later.